


Part of How Life Goes

by kattahj



Category: Road to Avonlea
Genre: Arguing, Canon Disabled Character, Drama, F/M, Post-Series, World War I
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2006-01-02
Updated: 2006-01-02
Packaged: 2017-11-08 13:20:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,554
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/443618
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kattahj/pseuds/kattahj
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The war has started to affect life in Avonlea, and Gus and Felicity have a fight.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Part of How Life Goes

**Author's Note:**

  * For [tommygirl](https://archiveofourown.org/users/tommygirl/gifts).



> The title of the story is taken from Vienna Teng's

Felicity was sitting in the kitchen, so still that at first Gus thought  
it was just her dress thrown over the back of the chair. The shape was  
all wrong, though, and when he stopped in the doorway, he could hear  
her breaths: short gasps for air, as if she had been running - or  
crying.

"Felicity?" he asked. "Is everything all right?"

She sighed deeply and replied, "I'm fine. It's Everett James... He's  
been killed overseas."

"Oh." He frowned. He had known Everett James, of course. Everett had  
once been a tall, gangly boy with buck teeth and freckles, and a part  
of Gus's mind still saw him that way, even though the adult Everett had  
been even taller, with a booming bass voice.

Still, Everett hadn't been what you'd call a _friend_ ,  
just someone they talked to once in a while. There was no reason for  
Felicity to be so upset.

"Sorry to hear it," he said, "but why..." _Why do you care?_  
That was a terrible thing to say, and he shut his mouth to make sure  
the words didn't come out.

There was a sudden vehemence in her voice when she said, "This war  
isn't ever going to end! 'It'll all be over soon,' they said, but the  
months just keep piling up!"

"That's true," he said, still not sure why Everett's death caused such  
a reaction from her.

"And for what?" She rose from the chair and started to pace through the  
room. "What's the purpose of it all? For all the little soldier boys to  
play with their new toys?"

If his own thoughts had been inappropriate, this was just plain wrong.  
"They're dying for their country. Try to show some respect."

"Oh, listen to you!" she snapped. "I bet if you could, you'd be heading  
off right along with them, waving a gun!"

That stung. "Of course I would."

She made an inarticulate, angry noise.

"What did you think?" he continued. "That I'm happy to stay behind like  
a coward? You don't think I'm wrecking my brain, trying to think of  
something I can do to help our country, some work that I might be able  
to handle..."

"Well, you can stop thinking right now, because I'm not going to let  
you!"

'Let'? What was she, his mother? He set his jaw. "You couldn't stop me."

When she spoke again, her voice was no longer angry - it was cold and  
hard. "I swear to God, Gus Pike, if you stood here fit as a fiddle and  
told me you wanted to enlist, I'd claw those eyes of yours right out of  
your skull to keep you from it."

For a moment, his mind stood still. When the thoughts started swirling  
again, he could barely breathe. She hadn't just said...

But she had, and he had no reply; he just knew he had to get out of  
there right away, because he had never felt such a strong urge to _hit_  
Felicity in his entire life.

He turned on the spot and marched out of the kitchen. Only when he  
reached the front door did he stop for a second to get his cane. He  
could move around fine without it these days, but in this mood, the  
last thing he wanted was to mind his surroundings.

* * *

He walked on with no particular goal, but somehow he ended up by the  
King farm and sat down on the ground outside the barn, wondering what  
had prompted him to take that particular road. The last thing he wanted  
right now was a nice dinner with the in-laws.

"Gus?"

Cue in-laws. At least it was Alec - he didn't think he could have coped  
with Janet. "Yeah." And then, because his presence seemed to need some  
kind of explanation, he added, "Felicity and I had a fight."

Alec sat down next to him and after a pause asked, "About what?"

Gus shrugged. "The war, I guess. My eyes. Everett James."

"Oh," Alec said like that all made sense.

"She said..." Gus started, but he found he couldn't repeat it. The mere  
thought left a foul taste in his mouth. "It's like she's _glad_  
I can barely see."

"I don't think that's true," Alec said. "Grateful, maybe, that you're  
not coming home in a body bag."

"At least then I'd have some honour."

They both sat quiet for a while, and Gus expected Alec to give him some  
meaningless comforting phrases about how it wasn't his fault, how it  
wasn't dishonourable if you _couldn't_ do something.

Make your pick. Coward or cripple.

Instead, when Alec spoke again what he said was, "War is... different  
for women. You and I, we think about where we would be if I were  
younger and you were sighted. We'd both be out there fighting, but  
Felicity - or Janet, for that matter - never had that option. Sure,  
women can be nurses, or drive ambulances, or work in factories, but  
they're always one step removed from battle. They'll patch up the  
already wounded, but they can't face the enemy or prevent a single  
bullet from being fired. And that's all they know - being left behind."

Gus thought about that. He tried to imagine Felicity in a trench,  
holding a rifle, and failed.

"Janet and I both want to keep Felix safe," Alec continued. "The  
difference is that I want to go there and do it; she wants him to come  
home."

A few more pieces clicked into place. "You think that's it? She misses  
Felix?"

"I would be very surprised if that wasn't at least part of it."

Gus picked his cane from the ground and rose to his feet. "Thanks.  
You've been really helpful."

Alec stood up too and chuckled a little. "I think there are quite a few  
couples in Avonlea who are having that fight right now. No reason we  
should all make the same mistakes."

* * *

When Gus returned to the house, Felicity was sitting in the swing  
telling a story to one of the children. He couldn't tell which child,  
but judging by the size, he would guess Duffy.

"'I could never harm you,' he told the cat. 'You have grown so dear to  
me.' The cat insisted, 'If you love me, you have to cut off my head.'"

Felicity's voice died away, and he knew she had seen him.

"Duffy," she said, "I think we should finish the story later."

The boy protested: "I want to know what happened to the cat!"

"Go on," Gus said. "You can't stop now, it's cruel to the boy."

And so Felicity told Duffy about how the prince cut off the cat's head,  
and she was turned into a beautiful princess. Gus, who had heard the  
story before, thought she rather rushed the ending, but he supposed  
that was to be expected.

Once she had finished, Duffy went back inside without any further  
prompting, and it was just the two of them.

Gus spread his hands out. "I was an ass."

"So was I," she said, standing up so quickly he expected her to keel  
over. "Oh, _Gus_! I'm so sorry, I didn't mean it!"

She stepped up to him, and he wrapped his arms around her, burying his  
face in her hair.

"Sometimes I dream you're dead," she murmured into his neck, "and then  
I wake up to find you there beside me. I feel so lucky, and then I feel  
guilty for feeling lucky, because who am I to be allowed to keep you  
when so many..."

"I'm sorry," he said, and the apology was both for the fight and for  
those long months of suffering he had caused her. Felicity was so  
strong, he forgot how hard she could take things. "I wasn't thinking.  
Not of that, not of Felix...."

"Losing Felix would be awful," she said. "If I lost him, and you  
weren't there when I woke up in the middle of the night... it would be  
so much worse. I don't know that I could do it again."

He lifted her chin up and kissed her, feeling the tears on her face. He  
was near crying himself, and all he could think of to say was 'I love  
you' over and over again, and then nothing at all because her mouth was  
keeping his busy.

Much later, they broke up the kiss.

"So," she said, her voice dry and practical.

"Yeah," he replied.

"I think they're watching from the window."

"Figures they would be."

"We should go back inside."

"We should," he agreed, but it was still a while before they let go of  
each other. She slipped her hand into the curve of his arm and they  
slowly walked towards the house.

Right outside the front door, she stopped. "Gus..."

"Yeah?" She sounded so hesitant that he got worried.

"You know Morse code, right?"

"Sure." What did that have to do with anything?

"You could always try your hand at telegraphy."

While he was still dumbfounded from that idea, she let go of his arm  
and reached for the door.

"Hey!" he said, catching her hand before she could step inside. He spun  
her around and embraced her once again.

There were some giggles coming from inside the open door.

"The kids," she reminded him.

"Mm," he replied. "Let them enjoy themselves."

* * *


End file.
